THE CONCLUSION.
Six years
ago…
I’ve just woken up and am late for my college. Mom didn’t
wake me up today. But I don’t yell because we’ll get into a fight and I don’t
have time to prove that I am right. So I
brush my teeth and come to the kitchen to make some tea for myself. I need tea,
when the first sip of the steaming, hot tea touches your soul. . .
I take my cup and go to my room and
take a quick shower and then drink my tea. I’m all ready and set to go, when I
come out of my room and see that mom’s door is just closed yet. Is she still
sleeping? Worse, is she sick? I’ve been so busy with myself since I got up, I
didn’t even go to see her. I’m such a terrible daughter.
I open the door of her room when I
hear hushed whispers from the balcony. I go near the balcony and I hear the
words ‘I love you’ and it feels as though the joy in my life has just returned.
I’m so overjoyed, I go with my mom for two minutes, just so see her, and she’s
startled. She says she’d call later and hangs up. I look at her with a smile
and ask her who she was talking to, and she says Sunita aunty and I’m confused.
“Why’d you say I love you to Sunita
aunty?” I innocently ask, and that’s when it hitys me. My mother is having an
affair. I go numb for a minute, mom says something but my mind doesn’t register
it. I’ve just realized. I feel my head get heavier and I feel the blood
circulating in my body. My mom and dad weren’t on the best of terms, but I’d
made my peace with that, but this new information, what should I do with it? I
feel like I’d explode, the temperature of my body rises and I silently say,
“You weren’t talking to dad.”
“You’re having an affair. How could
you? I know dad isn’t the best man in the world, but he doesn’t deserve this.
Why, mom? Tell me.” I am crying as these words leave my mouth. You never think
of your mother in this way, she’s the perfect lady for you. Your parents are
the ideal couple for you, and that image just shatters off, leaving nothing but
a void.
I don’t know for how long it’s been going on, if dad knew about
it, if the reason why dad was the way he was because of this. “I’ve never been
happy in my entire life. When I got married, I was very naïve and life catched
pace up since then, I had you, I had Mish. But now, both of you are growing up,
and that’s when I realized how lonely I was. I’ve never been hap[py with your
Dad, Alisha. I’m happy with my life now. This man, he understands me. He talks
to me and makes me feel loved. You tell me; don’t I deserve to be happy?”
What do you
say when your mother asks for her happiness from you? You can’t say no, you
can’t say yes. You’re stuck. I’m stuck.
It feels like I’m going to throw up. “Does- does dad know?” I mumble, to which
she moves her head from left to right three times, saying a no.
I’m stuck here, I have to lie to my dad for mom’s sake, when
what mom’s been doing makes me purely nauseous. I know the man; I hadn’t
expected this from him. Oh, forget him; I hadn’t expected this from my mother.
I’m stuck and I can’t do anything.
Since then, mom and I weren’t on good terms ever. I got a job
a few months later and moved out with Mish. I couldn’t leave her in the mess,
alone. Dad had found out and our home was a battlefield. Mish couldn’t have
stayed there. She’s mine, my headache, my responsibility, my little sister. With
time, I told her, but I shouldn’t have. She hates my parents, I don’t exactly
hate them, but I’m not on excellent terms either.
Present…
Sam presses my hand hard enough to let me know he’s there
through everything, too hard because the ring he has given to me hurts my hand
a little. I haven’t spoken to my mother in five years, now she calls me for my
birthday. Amazing.
“I’ll pick up, Di. Don’t worry.” Mish initiates and I let
her. I’d melt if I hear her voice again, and I can’t afford that. Sam hugs me
and Misha goes to the balcony to talk, but doesn’t come out for solid five
minutes, when I finally tell Sam that I have to get to Mish. He lets me, he’s
very supportive and I love him. I go to the balcony and Mish and Jenny are
already there. I love how Misha and Jenny are friends because of me.
“What’s up, guys?” I ask, and Misha says mom’s been crying
for an hour and wants to see me, and puts the phone on loudspeaker. I hear her
voice after ages, it almost soothes my ears, but she’s crying. I hang up the
phone and tell Mish that we’re going to Mom’s place. I need to see her; it’s been too long I have
been without a mother—without a family. I need to tell her I forgive her.
I take out my Activa and Mish sits behind me, and we start driving
off. We are both crying. It’s late night, and the breezes have turned cold. We
reach and intersection but the signals have gone off now, it’s just an orange
light blinking I see from a distance so I speed up, and as I am about to get
away, a truck hits us.
* * *
They say when you die, you have 7
minutes of brain activity left. Your entire life flashes in front of your eyes.
My flash is almost over. I’m on the hospital bed, clenching the sheets with my
hand. I didn’t reach my mother, I want to make things okay with her and dad.
Sam, I didn’t tell him I love him for the last time and. . .
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