Monday, 13 November 2017

The Obscured

Hi there,

How are you? Is life treating you well enough to even want to live, or is it giving you a hard time like always? I've seen all the good and bad times with you, you know.

I see you everyday. I know the things you did and still do, the things you feel. I observe the person you were, are and the one you're turning into. I can very well see what's happening.

Recently, you know what I realised? I'm an outcast to you. Despite the wee fact that I am what and because you are, despite that we share a body, a soul, a mind; despite me being you, I feel like a foreigner to you, sometimes feeling like I don't know you at all. And I am taking a wild guess here, but you don't really like me, maybe. I'm the dark part of you, the void in your heart, the hole in your gut. I'm the bystander who just silently witnesses the fallouts that happen in your life. Probably you are not at fault, but darling, neither am I.

I'm just as helpless as you become because of me. I sometimes really wish to make it better for you by simply disappearing somewhere - making you feel whole again. You so desperately want to get rid of me, I see that. But what you fail to understand is I'm a part of you. If you lose me, you'll lose a little of yourself, how will you be whole again then? We are one, you see.

I see you take countless efforts to just fill me somehow. You try to do the things you used to like doing, go to places you used to like going to, meet up with people you used to enjoy being with, all before I happened. But I still rest as unfilled and empty as always. I understand, I'm what makes you real, I'm what makes you vulnerable. I'm the dark part, I know, but I can be just as comforting as the light, given a chance.

All your - our - life, you've hated me because I actually make you feel things. Look where that has gotten us, forked us, made us separate. But tell me something, if I actually make you feel, how the hell am I the bad guy here? Instead of hating me, try accepting me for once. Instead of alienating me, try embracing me. I too need to be assured that things will get better, you know. I would like if sometime, someone comes to me and actually accepts and comforts me, and does not try to get rid of me or even try to fill me for a change. I'm a vacuum, nothing can fill me, you should have understood that by now. Do I not deserve even a wee bit of good, of light, after everything I - we - have been through?

Hi, I'm the murk in you. I'm what's been eating you alive inside, rendering you just a structure of flesh - all hollow inside. I'm what cripples you and aches inside you, and makes you sob on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night. I'm all that and more. But all I ask is, let those grudges go. Let it go, and accept me, just once. We owe it to us, do we not?

The Void.

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