Wednesday, 13 December 2017

The Girl In The Mirror

Dear girl in the mirror,

I see you standing right in front of me. You're smiling right now. You've had a pretty amazing day and you've had fun and enjoyed and everything, but now is the time you're taking off that mask slowly. As the first layer comes off, I see you almost equally smiling, just a shred less than before but that might even go unnoticed if I weren't you. The second layer's erasure shows a little more of You - Me. As the layers keep coming off, the vibrant smile seems to fade and the skin starts to look pale, almost dry, still somehow dampened by your own tears. When the final layer comes off, you break down. Tears stream down your face and you cover your mouth with your hand because you're afraid of making any noise so as to not make others worried but what you don't understand is that I see you. You sigh a deep sigh and the first words that leave your mouth sound like "I love him," sharply and alternatively, very smartly emphasizing on 'love' as well as 'him.'
Heartbreak is so overrated, I would think, it wouldn't be such a big deal that people bleed poetries and weave words to resonate with its intensity and meaning. Love, I thought, was something only idiots felt. How can someone be so important to you that you tend to be so taken over by them that you forget yourself? How does one value someone so much that they tend to crash down and stop functioning without them? How is that even possible to consider someone so worthy that you defy your own self and your entire set of beliefs for that one single person? Wait till you fall head over heels with somebody, and now I understand the depth of the pain. Well I still think the same, heartbreaks are overrated, but there's a reason why. I see you crying and crashing down in front of me and I understand the reason.
"What if I never get over him? What if I'm never able to love anyone else ever again? Will I even be okay some day, or will I just get used to the pain?" You ask me, looking straight into my eyes, and I calmly just stay mum, because I have no answer to give you. I know this isn't how it will be and I know you'll love again and live again, but I don't say it because even though you ask me and want me to answer you, I know you won't believe a word of what I say. I see you so submerged in your pain and tears that aren't seeming to stop, that you won't trust me for any optimistic opportunity.
How will I even trust again? You think.
How will I ever love again? You will.
How will I ever be okay? Well, I can't say that.
Hey, girl in the mirror, I hear you say you feel a hole in your gut, and you feel it expanding too, and that it feels like one day, it'll get even bigger than you. I know it's not possible but you say that and I hear you. It never stops hurting, does it? You always remember the way his eyes sparkled when he spoke, the way he grinned with his tongue between his teeth, the way your heart always skipped a beat when he held you, everything, all that's happened between you, it all makes you feel a little more miserable than the last time. You love him, and your heart may never accept the fact that you'll never get to be with him, but I see you everyday in this mirror, and I know you're getting better and better, and I know one day, you'll heal. I like to believe that.


The girl on the other side.