Thursday 29 March 2018

Transition

Up above, all I see is darkness. It's so painfully beautiful -- the moon shines bright, waning crescent, almost full. There are millions of stars shining submissively as the moon takes up the show, but there's one star in particular that somehow doesn't lose itself in the populace. At considerable distances, they flicker constantly, nearly perfecting an illusion. You just cannot concentrate on all the gleaming at once. These stars, they shine in shades of white. They shimmer sheepishly, very unsteady, but it looks peaceful. It's such solitude in just laying back and looking up to the sky, with beauty dripping from the dark. The sky looks like a black canvas with glittery white paint splatters all over it, making it an ultimate masterpiece. Night sky, I tell you, is pure art.
It's like the sky is trying to embrace you in its arms, you feel the solace you'd feel in a lover's arms, absolute. It's as though it's trying to tell you the secret of everything, and even though you don't understand it, you know that you know it now.
The night is almost over; the moon has almost set now, breaking the dawn. The darkness seems to have lessened too, it's getting brighter now. People have started coming out, some walking, some on bikes. In the near buildings, I can see lights being turned on. The day is officially beginning. But there's some weird scare in letting go of the moon, the night, the darkness. It's almost slipping away, and I can't hold it. That's what scares, I can't hold on to it, but the dawn is every bit as beautiful as the intense dark night, and the day is on. The sky feels lonely without the moon, almost as if the stars would miss it.
The sun is going to rise soon, the anticipations have started. It seems as if the black canvas has its edges smudged by a dash of orange now, and it's spreading. In the distant background, I hear the barking of the dogs, the chirping of the birds, and also vague but noticeable noises of the very few vehicles that are out on the road.
The sky is now turning an undetermined shade of blue as well, beauty peaking top. It's as if the sky's now divided in two parts -- one side, it's still dark, the stars are still shining, fighting the light that's coming from the other side of it, where the day is about to break, making the stars at that side of sky disappear.
It's all in various shades of only blue now, ranging deeper in intensity as my sight moves from east to west. And before I know it, it's day. The sun has started to rise, a chill's filled in the atmosphere, and the darkness has completely vanished, as if it was never there. Instead of the bright, vibrant moon, now I see a fulfilling, lively sun, and the only thing I learn from this is letting go ain't so bad, because every end is another beginning, and every beginning can be as beautiful as the dawn breaking into the day.

Saturday 17 March 2018

Beyond words.

Hi,

I know we have just met. I know we haven't known each other for that long. There are millions of things we still have to discover about each other, I know we're still almost strangers who happen to know each other just a little.

But, oh! My life has changed drastically since I met you. For good, of course. You made me realize the simple fact that after every dark night, the day dawns and its every bit can be as beautiful as you believe it to be. It's funny how someone can have a such a deep impact on me in the so very little time that we've known each other.

You came into my life when I was an absolute mess, had hit the rock bottom, but knowing you has made me see that the only way to go from a rock bottom is up. You've been with me when I was finding myself, in the most inconvenient circumstances. And there are no words that can encompass the intensity of my gratefulness.

You get me, there's no other way to put it. I can be me when I'm with you and you'll know. There's no pretending to be good when I'm not, no holding back. Life has become beautiful because of your presence, for when I'm with you, I'm more me. I laugh more when with you.

It's probably a very cliché thing to say but I really thank my stars that made me come across someone as extraordinary as you. You've been my light through the dark, the colors on the canvas of my life, because without you, I was just plain. You came and made me the art I have become today. You've added joy to my being, happiness to my heart. I'm a better person with and because of you. Everything I do or don't do is just an attempt of showing you how much you mean to me because lately, what I'm feeling for you is beyond words, yet I'm trying to gather some and make sense out of it.

When I look at you, I see strength. I see the person who always pushes me beyond my limits because you believe in me. And you've believed in me when even I didn't. I am what I am because of you. I have transcended beyond my grief and let go of things that were poking me just because I knew you'd be there to catch me when I fall. And look how I fell -- for you!

"You're my living, breathing, screaming invitation to believe in better things." You've revived me. You made me feel connected -- to the world, to you, to myself somehow. I feel eternal and full of energy because of you. You made me believe that the ones who want to will always climb the walls I've built around myself, no matter how tall those are. I was the person who always just wanted to be done with the day, but now, here I am, hoping and looking forward to a new day, every day, with you by my side. I don't intend for this to get all cheesy but that's all I can do, all I have is words. And I won't let go.

I have happy 3 ams because of you now, when in the past, I used to be drenched in my tears and agony. You healed me in places I thought I'd have wounds forever. You're my adventure, and also my calm. You have been the one thing I have done right in my life, and no matter how much I write, I don't think I'll ever put things I feel in my heart into words.

It all comes down to this -- I am me because you have been you.

- Someone who loves you.

Monday 5 March 2018

I'm not the girl people fall in love with.

A stupid, desperate attempt to write a poem. Here it goes.

I won't say I'm not beautiful, because I am, but in a different way.
I will make your insides whirl but won't let you have a say.
I'll make you think, I'll make you cry.
I'll play with words, you'll know I'm sly.
I'll be your spring, and also your rain.
I'll be your cure, but also your pain.
I'm not like her, I'll never be.
... Maybe I'm not the girl people fall in love with.

You'd forget the world when you're with me.
I'll give you strength, but you'll go weak in your knee.
Fierce and powerful, my love you'll see.
I'm a lone wolf, that's how I'll always be.
My words like fragrance will stick by.
Once you drown in my truth, you won't lie.
See? I'm not like her, I'll never be.
... Maybe I'm not the girl people fall in love with.

My words like arrows will hit your heart.
Your soul will churn, like pricked by a dart.
I'll be your rainbow, even on your sunny days.
You'll see how I'll love you, in a million ways.
I'll kiss your scars, then scratch them more.
Then I'll be your band-aid, stick to the core.
I'm still not like her, I'll never be.
... Maybe I'm not the girl people fall in love with.

Even after long, in your memories I'll stay.
I'll shine bright, like the day's first sun ray.
I'll run my hand through your hair,
You'll love me, but you will be scared.
Half the time, you'll skip a beat,
When we'll be one, you'll feel my heat.
Am I like her yet? You know I'll never be.
... Maybe I'm not the girl people fall in love with.